ase

My grandfather passed away last week. He was in his 80's, a WWII vet, so this is saddening but not shocking, and he was fortunately able to spend his last days at home. My grandmother hasn't set a date for a funeral or memorial service, but my sister is spearing through three generations of knotty family relationships in the pursuit of correct action. Or something. My grandfather and I weren't close, so the most significant impact in the short term is the possibility of a short trip East for my grandmother. I may or may not be appealing for dad's frequent flier miles and DC couch-surfing space sometime in the next month as events unfold; it really depends on what help my grandmother asks for.

Tonight's forecast calls for high winds and snow showers. I stood at the bus stop and watched two layers of clouds move across the moon (waxing bright), flurries illuminated in a streetlight, and thought about how I'm not going to see many winter sights like that again: when I left work, there was still an illusion of light in the west, after 6 PM, and I'm moving to San Francisco next month.

There is nothing like working a 10 - 8 day, then catching the bus home, to make you seriously consider your priorities.



I am totally biasing this by mentioning my Philosophy of the First Car: there is no point in buying new, because I will drive it off the lot, hit a stationary object, and cry a lot about the dent. I'd much rather my first damage was more along the lines of, "wait, was that ding in the side there two weeks ago? Oh well."

I have been waiting to use that line for literally a year. Happy birthday to me!

My birthday conveniently falls around the middle of the year, which makes it a great time for reflection and reassessment of annual goals and personal changes since the last birthday. I have made been okay-to-great in finances, but as a direct consequence still do not own a car; I have not made the strides in my personal growth and development, but I have tried to cultivate more of a social life in the areas I already have some feelers. 25 was about establishment; 26 will hopefully explore going above and beyond that.

Yes, it is very cold out. I'm living in layers and something like denial until it gets less cold.

WordNet defines "resolution" as "the trait of being resolute", and goes on to define resolute as "firm in purpose or belief". I didn't make resolutions this year, because resolutions are things to stick by. I'd rather have goals to work toward. Resolutions are so pass/fail! Goals can be partially accomplished. Anyway.

Unlike so many people, my 2008 did not suck vacuum, so I can't bid adieu and don't let the door hit you on the way out with the same vivaciousness so many people did. I started - and continue in - a job I like, I got my driver's license, I moved to a nicer apartment and traded up roommates in one stroke, I got to drive down country roads singing "Are You Out There?" and "thnks fr th mmrs" at the top of my lungs, I travelled (a very little bit), I voted, I strengthened my financial footing, I reflected on what it says about me that I would rather whine about not having a car for eight months straight rather than make and keep a tighter budget, or give up putting money in the bank. I served dad and Second Wife Christmas dinner. There's a lot of things I didn't do, but '08 was a vast improvement on 2007.

My 2009 goals are all about personal growth and cultivating a lifetime. I'm selfish that way.

1.) Take GREs. By or on 1 March 2009.
2.) Get in the habit of exercise. I would like to emulate my birdlike aunt J and be in excellent health at 65.
3.) Travel. It'll be good for me.

The minor goals:

1.) The savings will continue until morale improves.
1a.) And there will be no guilt about those plane tickets I'm buying this weekend.
1b.) I will not buy a car unless I get to keep putting money in the bank.
2.) Clean my room before it's a pigsty. Recycle, donate or toss items I'm not using: if I need it later, I can buy it later, and skip tripping over junk in the dark.
3.) Instead of complaining I don't like my social life, go out and do something about it.
4.) Don't piss off the conservatives. I know more of them than I think I do.
4a.) Obama is a politician. Try not to beat wildly optimistic people with their broken dreams when Obama does not, in fact, walk on water.

What I really, really want to do with my vacation time is go to the beach. This costs money. Next year: beach.

TV roundup: Heroes lost me with the death fakeouts. All the cool kids are watching the Sarah Connor Chronicles, so I may make an effort there. I'm watching House to for Hugh Laurie. I wish the writers would do one House-less episode, so other people could have - gasp - character development. Without the dead girlfriend thing. Is anything else on this week? No? Good: I have GRE studying to do.

( You are not your combined written/verbal score. Image cut! )

I think someone thinks there's some money to be made off wannabe grad students. And they're right! I bought one book, to replace the one I've been neglecting for several years months. Every time I tell my soon-to-be-ex roommate to clear out of the kitchen so I can study, I feel like a mean person on a power trip, and get all guilty until I've studied for an hour. This is probably crying out for an intervention, but for me, it works, and it's a nice distraction from the Big Question: rush my study schedule for an October test date and the 2009 application deadlines, or postpone grad school until Fall 2010? That's the scary life decision choice, and yeah, I haven't done my homework.

Signed lease today. Moving party May 31st or June 1st; the goal is to get 90% of my stuff loaded into a 10 foot U-Haul and up a two- or three-story walkup in one day. I plan to bribe my next-door neighbors to help load if they're available. I also need someone who can drive the truck, because let's be honest: me + big rental truck = disaster in flashing neon. Or hey, maybe Second Wife and her oversized "I need it for the horse trailer" marshmallow truck can haul a non-horsey trailer. Friday night and Sunday midday are spoken for, but the rest of Memorial Day's three-day weekend is going to be spent putting my life in boxes.

Yesterday I voted at 2:30 in the afternoon of an unseasonably warm day. I left the hoodie at home (see comments on unseasonable weather) and missed some really long lines; it took longer to make this icon than to bike to the polls and cast my ballot on one of the notorious Diebold machines. (If I voted in a swing state, I'd be expressing grave misgivings, but I don't. Actually, Maryland going Republican would probably be an excellent piece of evidence in favor of the Apocalypse hacking.) So I've secured my whining rights, which I'm planning to bank as smackdown points when people get too crazy.

Actually, I think I'm going to spend them right now.

If you're that upset about Bush's re-election, I strongly suggest volunteering your time and money for the candidates and party (or parties) of your choice. If you think there's been electoral fraud, volunteer for your local elections committees and lobby for election reform. My mother may be crazy, but she has two sayings that are very applicable here: "put your money where your mouth is," and, "lead, follow, or get out of the way."

Republicans are not evil incarnate, people. They're not necessarily stupid or blind either. Please don't ever suggest that, because my very bright and admirably self-possessed sister is one. Maybe they didn't vote for Bush. Maybe they think he's the stain on their party. "Evil" isn't these people. "Evil" is the sloppiness, corruption and extreme polarization the Republicans and Democrats are capable of. The major difference I saw between the two candidates this election is that one of them sidestepped more deviously. "Who is less blatant in their evasions" is not a good criteria for picking Presidents, in my opinion. So please don't tar every person who disagrees with your political stance with the same brush. I know a number of liberals who I want to beg to please not be on my side, and a number of conservatives who I rather like and respect. The people I am most disappointed in are the liberals who are throwing temper tantrums (like this one!) today.

Thus endeth the rant.

I don't know how I am going to deal with what I percieve to be some serious problems with the contemporary USA, but I think compassion and reaching out to the "other side" would be a start. We are all American, people. We have profound disagreements about what that means and what it means we should do, and I'm sick of seeing our strengths as a country turned inward so we can savage each other. There must be a better way than the current divisiveness and strident voices. "The best lack all conviction, while the worst / Are full of passionate intensity." Think about what hedda62 is trying to do, and look at norabombay's reaction to the election, and think of Jim. Follow the links from coffee_and_ink.

I think this may be the year I join the college Democrats. Or maybe the Republicans, to figure out how they think. Either way, it means I'll be attending more obnoxiously time-sucking meetings, but... civic duty. I do not want to move to Canada, the winters would kill me.

(Is a reluctance to move patriotism? I've spent a long time cultivating my jaded and blase edge, I'd hate to lose it now. Curse you, election.)

I'm getting political in frustation. The system's not working for me, at least; it's time to fix it.

In other news, I slept terribly Sunday night, and woke up Monday morning with a sore throat. Oddly, the cold has lead to me getting more sleep than usual, because my body whacks my intentions upside the head and forces me to take some down time. This has not necessarily improved my mood.